Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
