Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
