After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.