I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
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This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!