I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night