Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
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I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.