You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.