I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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