I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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