thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
