Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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