Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
