True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
