So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
