before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
