But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
