My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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