i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize