Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
