I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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