I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
