I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
