I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
