so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
