Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
try to milk me bitch
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