Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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