remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
