she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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