guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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