so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
People in love make me want to vomit
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
