upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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