It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
