it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm bleeding and have questions
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
