Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have feelings that need drinking.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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