Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
