They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
