I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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