Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
