pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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