the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
not ubering you a puppy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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