So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We're too hungover to prance.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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