bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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