If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize