nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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