when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
