No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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