He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
