i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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