i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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