I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
God, I missed his penis.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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