It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
