a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
