He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize