I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
