Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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