There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
