well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
