You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I love having hate sex.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
