Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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