You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize