i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's on the porch naked. Help.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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