She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
