The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
