I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
