Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
