the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
is it fun? or sober?
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