help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
