Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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