he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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