is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
