Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
