So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
