At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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