Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
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Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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