and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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