how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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