i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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