I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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